Death takes on resonance in reflection ...

We don't like to think about death and dying much—individually, about our own, that is—in my community. We certainly don't talk about it much.

Death is closing in on me.

I'm coming face to face with it ... again. This time it's not as close as last time. Theoretically there's some space, some distance ... some time.

Last time in July, 2002, it was in my face and touch and go whether I survived the next few hours as my medical team brought me through acute renal failure. I had lethal levels of potassium and creatinine in my blood from my kidneys shutting down.

This time I have significant blockage in my left carotid artery. I smoked heavily for a lot of years and I have had high cholesterol for as long as I can remember. The chickens are coming home to roost.

I'll have an MRI in the next few weeks and then my medical team and I will assess the risks. My biggest fear is a stroke. And the biggest problem in addressing that fear is my ongoing chronic kidney failure that has left me with less than 30% kidney function. Surgery will be risky.

I will be thinking about dying and I will share my thoughts here. Mostly—I think—because I can. And I am curious about how I will write about it ... knowing anyone can read this.

My death could be years away. It could be tonight. That hasn't changed. The change is that because of the blockage in my artery, I am reflecting on my death ... creating the resonance in my mind.