Living with hope as a horizon, rather than fear as a fence, Part I

Whew, I can hardly say it ... "Christian transcendentalist existentialist". Actually the transcendentalism is at least implied in the existentialism. But that is what I am, a Christian trancendentalist existentialist.

I wish by the time Sartre and Camus got into full swing they could have come up with a more easily pronounced label besides "existentialism" ... but be that as it may ... it is not as deep as you might think, though it can be kind of scary on the first go-round of thinking about it ... because we do wind up kind of floating out here in the cosmos as individual centers of awareness for god knows why ... and when you are right smack dab in the middle of the Nazi ascendency with swatikas flying over Paris--as Sartre and Camus were ... well ... that must have been a wee bit stressful, don't you think?

Anyhow, existentialism--to my way of thinking about it--is simply understanding that awareness--our consciousness, the fact that we think about ourselves as unitary beings for one thing--is produced or comes out of our existence. Awareness does NOT exist BEFORE existence. In other words, awareness does (did) not produce existence, existence produces (produced) awareness.

So if there is a "God", he, she, or it does not necessarily "think" like we do. And it matters not to the existentialist whether there really is a God or not ... we still must deal with our own personal awareness of our existence. If I choose to believe in God, fine. If I choose not too, fine ... maybe a wee bit more scary, but still fine. It really is up to me to choose ... even if the narrative of existence with a God is so ingrained in me that I never think about the actual choice.

"Transcendentalism" means that "what is" came out of (was produced by) "what was". And whether I am a point of consciousness running on a predetermined track or a fractal event in chaos, I experience my awareness of my existence as coming out of the past and going into the future. The future comes through the present. And I have no reason to think this has not always been the case which puts no limits on how in fact that happens to be the case.

OK, now the "Christian" part. Life--my individual being--is an enigma wrapped in the mystery of existence, to tweak Winston Churchill's phrase. My quest for resolution stems from the sense of awe I feel when looking up at the stars on a moonless night in the dead of winter from the frozen banks of the Yukon River, or hold my child as a newborn in my arms. What is this all about?

I choose the life of Jesus as an "iconic image" for resolving the mystery in my consciousness: What is it all about ... for me? I ask, and I must answer ... because I stand alone as a center of awareness in the cosmos ... or, rather, I experience myself (am aware of myself) as a unitary being in the environment in which I find myself. How do I live in that environment? How do I harmonize with the mystery?

I want to live with hope as a horizon rather than fear as a fence. Moving forward, horizons recede before me. Fences come closer.

Personally, I don't consider it necessary to believe that Jesus was a real person, nor that he was "the only begotten Son of God". And I find it strange that many who do believe, do not follow his message by trying to live their lives according to the values attributed to him.

For me, the message attributed to Jesus teaches us how to live without fear and full of hope ... and that is what I want focus on next.